25 lessons I have learnt in this journey of life

Anyone who’s close to me knows how much I love my birthday. 3 May is the most important day in my life. It’s never about the gifts , maybe a little bit about the attention but mostly it’s because I am grateful for the gift of life.ms resolute

The 3rd of May 2017 marked my 24th birthday, and today I celebrate my 25th. The 24th year could have been the most challenging for me. Maybe it is because I am now an adult, I am slowly learning the ropes of life, and understanding that life is not one smooth road, there are obstacles.

I have learnt a lot from the ups and downs and I thought I could share my 25 lessons which I hope will also help me through life.

  1. When faced with whatever situation, whether in happy or sad times, pray. God always has an answer.
  2. When you think of calling, texting or visiting someone, do it. You might never get the chance.
  3. Be true to yourself always, never fake who you are just to fit in.
  4. You can never trust anyone completely, people change when they meet new people, especially when they fall in love.
  5. When someone comes to you with their relationship problem, don’t be the one to tell them to leave, just be a shoulder to cry on.
  6. Do not let anyone dictate how your life goes, you only live once, do what you only love.
  7. Be a risk taker, don’t get too comfortable in the same position, explore new avenues.
  8. Be nice to everyone you meet, you never know how much your smile can change someone’s life.
  9. No matter how close you are to someone, if they offer you a job, sign a contract.
  10. Don’t depend on one source of income, have something that complements your salary, even the smallest thing can make a difference.
  11. Try new things. No matter how old you are, learn new things.
  12. When you are going with your plans and someone thinks you should have taken another route, don’t mind them, tell them to take that route instead.
  13. Whenever you feel like crying, cry your heart out, don’t be afraid of being called weak.
  14. Do not compare your life to other people’s lives. You are completely different, we achieve different things at different points in life.
  15. Whatever you have achieved to date, remember you can do better.
  16. Don’t be hurt by friends who leave your life, they were never meant to be your friends.
  17. Whenever there is gossip, be the first to walk away.
  18. Any discussion that doesn’t benefit you is worthless, go read a book.
  19. You can never please the whole world. Do what you can for others and what you can’t, leave.
  20. The most important person in this life is you, take care of yourself.
  21. Don’t be too expectant, expectations lead to disappointments.
  22. Laugh as much as you can.
  23. Surround yourself with people who make you happy.
  24. Celebrate your birthday in any way you want to. Make as much noise as you can about it. It’s your day!

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF, I HOPE AND PRAY I WILL BECOME SOMEONE’S INSPIRATION IN THIS JOURNEY CALLED LIFE.

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Diaspora – Home fiasco : Who owes who?

Everyone gets excited when a relative of theirs leaves the country, in search of greener pastures. We all know why we are happy, it’s not necessarily because they will have a better life out there but mostly it’s because once in a while we will need some goodies from the diaspora and of course money!

diaspora

For some reason, the moment one enters a plane and leaves for a foreign country, we feel they owe us something which I have come to believe is not necessarily right. Yes, there are greener pastures out there but how green are the pastures? Have we ever thought that sometimes we earn more than the person in the Diaspora but still, we expect them to fund our living expenses back home yet we are also working.

Relationships have been strained because of expectations, expectations which sometimes we forget that the person we expect to feed us also has a stomach to feed, a family to take to school and accommodation expenses as well. I understand, in the African society, the moment you land a job you owe everyone a ‘drink’ somehow. Unfortunately, you can’t give out a ‘drink’ to Sekuru from babamunini before your mother is fed, charity begins at home.

In as much as we have expectations, I think there should come a point where we understand that entering a plane does not mean one immediately becomes a millionaire. Some of our relatives and friends in the Diaspora are not living the good life we think they are, they may be equally struggling as much as we are (that’s if we are struggling). Just because they upload a picture in a seemingly fancy restaurant, dressed in a beautiful dress or stunning suit also doesn’t mean they are well up. We all know how we sometimes lie or how we choose to post about the good parts about our lives and exclude the rest.

Dear family and friends, when someone sends you something from the Diaspora, brand new or second hand, appreciate the little that they have sacrificed for you. Before we complain about quality, let’s ask ourselves about what we have given in  return. Are we only in the receiving end or is the love being reciprocated. Some of us are good at placing orders upon hearing that they are returning home but we can’t even send a greeting, just to check on them. Let’s be humane, and understand that in as much as someone may be in the other part of the world, we all have responsibilities and when the hand can give it shall give.

Job scam : I learnt the hard way

I never saw myself being a victim of job scams, well, I thought I was too clever. I would think, ‘how wouldn’t you know that this is a scam.’ Well, I proved myself wrong when a few days ago, I became a victim.

job scam

Like any other unemployed person who is in desperate need of a job, every few hours, I check the job sites, and try my luck by applying for as many jobs as possible, even those I know I am not qualified for.

One day, I saw a vacancy for a loan clerk trainee, there weren’t much specifications and I decided to try my luck, I told  myself since I would be a trainee, they would teach me whatever it was that needed to be done, so I applied.

Two weeks later, on this particular Saturday, while on my way to town, a day after our new President’s inauguration and just a few hours after I had been to an all night prayer, I received a text that read, ” ..you are wanted for work check your email and phone urgently..” (sic). My heart leapt with joy! Indeed it was the dawn of a new era and God had heard my prayers. I didn’t have data and I quickly looked for a Netone agent so I could buy my one fusion card. I quickly recharged my phone and checked my mail. It was the Loan Clerk Trainee job! I couldn’t believe it.

The email said management had decided to take me up for the job and it had some information about the company. It was a lot to comprehend. When I was reading the mail…. there was a part that read “Please urgently text your current address to 0737774614 and express your willingness to join us by sending your induction listing fee of 9 dollars. Please call or text 0778667353 talk to Eddie who will list your name as you have to complete an agreement form on email soon after sending your listing payment, after which we will send important employment documents to you by swift delivery services.” Ahh, at that point I began to doubt the authenticity of this job. But then I really needed the job so I waited for my friend and asked for his opinion, he said it was worth risking because it could be true.

I called them back and the Eddy guy instructed me to send $9 via ecocash immediately so that he could send the documents before 1pm so that I would receive them Monday morning and immediately start training. I sent the money, thereafter I received another email which had a form that I had to fill in and I had to choose the country I would like to work from after 3 months among, Dubai, Poland, Cyprus, Ukraine, Kenya, Canada and United Kingdom, lol! The other part of the email instructed me to scan back the application form after a payment of 27 dollars, that’s when I realized I had been duped.

This Eddy guy had told me the 9 dollars was refundable so the following day I called him and asked for my money back then he told me to phone later as he was in church. I phoned later and he told me to call again on a Monday when the ‘bosses’ would be around. Monday came, and I called again and he gave me another number. I then received an email which had 69 other people who had been copied instructed to call for a refund. I wasn’t the only victim.

Thank God for One fusion! I called the number and spoke to a man whom I explained to I was no longer interested and I couldn’t pay the 27 dollars, I didn’t have that kind of money. He then seemed to be sympathetic and he offered to pay 24 dollars for me and begged me to send just 3 dollars so that I could continue with the program, I told him I was no longer interested and he told me he would call again. Ladies and gentlemen, up to now he hasn’t called.

I know most of you will call me dumb, just as I thought about other people who had been scammed, but desperation is what causes this. Maybe it will end in this new era or it could actually get worse where people will believe all of a sudden jobs will be readily available because of the new government. Be warned fellow countrymen, there are people out there busy scheming new ways to get your money. My dad then told me, anyone who wants to employ you will ever ask for money from you, that’s a lesson I have learnt and thought of sharing with you.

A 9 year old is not a prostitute, she’s a victim

I listened in to the program, Issues, Pane Nyaya on Star FM and my heart broke as a 9 year old and 13year old narrated their ordeals as ‘ladies of the night’. These girls are victims of circumstances. The only people who could help just instructed them to follow and find out how they made their money, that is how they became victims.

prostitute

It’s sad how some have not been sympathetic with these little girls, and most comments I have heard have been that ‘Kids of today are too forward’ or ‘vanoda zvinhu’ but I personally feel that it’s unfair, I blame those who introduced them to such ways of getting money.

Poverty has led most of these kids to become victims of older men who come and abuse these kids for a mere 50cents and sometimes a dollar. The most they can get per night is $2, after having spent the night with four men.

We have a lot of child headed families where a child as young as 8 years is forced to take care of her siblings, she has to drop out of school and find means to survival where some of them have ended up in the streets selling their bodies for a small amount of money.

A nine year old cannot reason for herself, she doesn’t know the implications of some actions, all she needs is some convincing that out of this you will get money. She hasn’t gone through puberty and because she has been isolated since the death of her parents, there’s not much she knows about STD’s thus she goes on to do what she thinks will sustain her and the family.

In as much as the blame has been put on the little girls, I personally blame the men who gladly come and stop for the small girls when there are older ‘ladies of the night’. Who, in their right mind, approaches a 9 year old and asks boldly, how much is short time? If these girls had no market, if no one stopped for them, I don’t think they would continue being in the streets, but because there is someone entertaining them, they will continue.

I just wish the authorities could do something to help these child headed families. So long the children have nothing to put in their tummies, they will do the worst to get a dollar. So long these children do not go to school, it’s hard for them to discern between the wrong and the right.

As a society, we all have a responsibility to help where we can. Provide for these children where possible, the NGO’s may help but only to some extent. Just a few words of advice can help them shape their lives. I wish the police would do something to stop these men from abusing these little girls. What will become of the generations to come?

 

 

The war against Anne’s petition : Not about panties, it’s about priorities

After massive attacks from fellow Zimbabweans after Anne Nhira being ecstatic over having the minister’s response on barring Zodwa from coming to perform, I think she and the ‘Team Anne’ have got it all wrong. People are not necessarily angry that Zodwa is being barred from performing, we are angry that Anne could surely petition over something so petty when we have more pressing issues.

ANNE-NHIRA

A few weeks back, Zodwa was trending on social media for flaunting her legs without a panty.  A lot of people were bashing her on social media, including my fellow Zimbabweans who thought it wasn’t proper for one to be dressed without underwear. I am still not sure though why it was an issue.

Fast forward to this week, there came Anne with a letter signed by Minister Zhuwao that they were considering her plea to stop Zodwa from performing. I think she was trying to be relevant, considering the fact that people had bashed Zodwa a few weeks ago so maybe she thought she would get loads of support from people.

What angered us is that we have a lot of problems in this country, serious problems for that matter for one to seriously consider barring a woman who doesn’t like panties (which is her personal choice) from performing at a Carnival where Brazilian ladies who perform dressed next to nothing also perform. On that note, why is this about Zodwa only and not about the Brazilian and Cuban ladies who perform barely dressed?

For me, this letter shows that Anne doesn’t think the unemployment rate in this country is an issue, she doesn’t care about the shortage of hospital equipment, she maybe thinks the vendors in the streets chose to be there and she doesn’t understand that a number of children aren’t going to school because they cannot even afford  school fees.There is a reason why she is residing in a foreign country and not her own.

My point is , Anne should have petitioned for better things. You will be surprised to know most people don’t even know about that carnival because they can’t even afford it. What if our own artists are barred from other foreign countries because of this? What if Anne is chased out of that country because of something she might do which the South Africans think it is against their ‘culture’.

When we seek relevance, let’s find better ways to do it. Things that you thought would push you up might actually bring you down. Some are defending Anne with the notion of culture, don’t tell me about culture because culture is dynamic, I wonder if Mbuya Nehanda knew anything about panties.

Whether she comes or not, I don’t think her presence here has any effect on our culture or our well being as a society. We have our own Bev, Zoey etc. Let people be. People have different ways of making money, let’s not shun them because we do not believe in what they believe in.

He messes up, it’s a ladies’ war

Of all the violence that happens among us as human beings, domestic violence is the most talked about, the violence that is most advocated against and the violence that we are all afraid to be victims of. It is traumatic, and although women are mostly the victims of it, men are victims too and many campaigns have been done against it but I feel there is one type of violence that we have all ignored, but if investigated into, I bet in terms of statistics, it is just after domestic violence. This violence is between us women.

women-fighting-over-guy

In most scenarios, when women fight, it is usually about men, not only fighting for our lovers but even for attention from our brothers and sons. So many strained relationships between mothers and daughters-in-law, as well as sisters-in-law. Many times, the issue is about money, it’s either the mothers and sisters-in-law feel their son is leaving them out since he married, or the husband or boyfriend is cheating in which we come out guns blazing to fight each other.

Just this past week, the most talked about issue was that of the incident between the first lady Grace Mugabe and Gabriella Engels whom she attacked after finding her in her sons’ room in Sandton. There have been many points raised by the social media jury on the issue, the dominant being how could the first lady do that, shaming the country, and for others they were celebrating with the thought that this was her downfall. It’s sad that nothing has been talked about how women attack each other in some circumstances that are mainly caused by men.

Well Robert Jnr and Chatunga are two grown men, who knew what they were doing when they invited the ladies to their room. Yes, she was frustrated as a mother, but attacking the lady was not really the solution. Am pretty sure if it had been a man who had attacked Gabriella the way the first lady did, there would be screams of how women are victims of the males in most situations. Unfortunately, we are not just victims of men, but of women too.

My point is when we fight as women, usually the main cause is men. It’s sad that the women’s organisations have been silent about this issue. The fact however is, if we are to advocate for gender equality, we have to stand up not only when a woman is attacked by a man, but when a woman is also attacked by a fellow woman.

Men will make us hate each other, and when we fight, they are proud that women are fighting for them. I don’t think it’s worth it. As a woman, instead of dating a married man knowingly, why not move to a single guy to avoid conflict. As in-laws, instead of back chatting, why not speak out where there is a problem and resolve issues. No matter how much you do not like your daughter or sister-in-law, so long your brother or son loves him, the ideal thing to do is to accept and appreciate what has been brought in your home.

Some will end up in hospitals with scars that will never fade after fighting with another woman over a man. Some will also end up in prison after attacking girls you find with your son, not all of us are ‘above the law’. Bottom line is, if we are ever to make it as women, if ever we want the men to believe in us, we have to show a united front, and desist from attacking each other. Sometimes we fight against each other and the man will leave us both, what would we have gained?

May we desist from fighting against each other and focus on achieving our goals. Let’s not be our own enemies.

There was more to Zodwa’s dress…

Since Saturday, social media was awash with Zodwa Wabantu’s pictures from the Durban July event. There she was, dressed in a beautiful dress, with an up-to-there slit, showing she was not wearing any panties. Her cellulite thigh was in the open and she didn’t seem to mind, which brings me to the lessons I think we should grasp from her, especially as women. I do not condone such dressing but there was more to that dress other than her showing she had no panties.

Zodwa

  1. Be confident in your body

Look closely at Zodwa’s thigh, it’s not that flawless, it does have flaws, cellulite to be precise. It’s not that she doesn’t know she has cellulite but she’s embraced her flaws and decided not to let them take her down. I have seen women bleach, because they are not very comfortable in their dark skinned. They think being yellow is the definition of beauty. But have you taken a minute to consider the effect of those bleaches? Many of us have even spent a lot of money on buying creams to cover our flawed skin in the name of searching for beauty. Be careful of damaging your skin or body because you think it is better on the other side, you might actually lose a lot by moving from the real you, to a fake you. It’s up to you, I choose to embrace and love my flaws, because that’s what makes me beautiful.

2. Never mind what people say, it’s your life after all

After we have all put our thoughts on social media, laughing and cursing, and worst of all bullying the lady, do you think Zodwa didn’t know the dress would cause a stir? She knew, and from my understanding, I think she was trying to prove a point, she doesn’t care about what people say. How many of us have remained in abusive relationships because we are afraid of what people will say? How many of us have failed to step out of their comfort zones because of what people will say? How many opportunities have we let go by because of what people will say? How many of us have let go of the people we truly loved because of what people said?

We were only given one life on this earth and limiting yourself from doing what you feel is right because of what people will say is self torture and you will forever regret it. It’s not about what people will say but about what you want in your life, what makes you happy. I know no man is an island entire to itself but at the end of the day, what really matters is what makes you happy. I promise you, no matter what good you do, people will always find a fault in whatever  you would have done. So mam, get up, brush yourself up, wear whatever you want and go out and enjoy your life. Life is too short to hold back. I think Zodwa is actually enjoying her life, while we busy waste our data forwarding her pictures and demeaning her. She actually got free publicity, so you never know what will push you up.

3. Looking at the bigger picture : We are no saints when it comes to dressing

I know most women are against the way she was dressed but she did this for the women, to show bravery and confidence. Sometimes, when someone does something, let’s not look at whatever it is as it is, look at the bigger picture. For whatever happens in this life, there’s always a hidden meaning behind, which we should look at before we judge someone. Most of us do worse behind close doors, so think of that before judging. I was just thinking of how some of us dress, we are no different from Zodwa, only that she left one side of herself in the open. Some of us are wearing see through tights and not much of underwear which leaves most of our ‘private’ parts public. I won’t start on the dresses we are wearing which are more or less like that of Zodwa’s.  Yet here we are castigating Zodwa as if we are saints.

I know most people would be basing on the bible but the bible does say judge not, therefore we have no right at all to judge her dressing. Anyway, everyone is entitled to an opinion but I thought I would give you something to think about.

PS: Please explain where the outrage is coming from. From her flaunting her leg or from her not wearing panties?