Tribute to my mummy Chido : Forever missed

Almost three months now since you left, and no matter how hard I have tried to write this for you, I have found myself failing, ending up in tears. Today, I have told myself this is the only way I can at least find closure and so I have to do it. It’s the least I can do for you. It’s so unfortunate, you won’t read this, I would have loved to see you smile, reading something dedicated specially for you. I am sorry I never wrote anything for you when you were still alive, it hurts so much, knowing how proud you were whenever I published something.mainin Chido

8 April 2018 is one of the most difficult days of my life. The image of you, lying on your death bed, will never be erased from my mind. You had promised me you will be fine, had I known ma, that that smile you gave me as I left the hospital Saturday night, was going to be the last, I would have stayed with you.DSC_1636[1]

Life is not fair ma, and it is painful. I have so much memories of us together and whenever I think of them all, I see love. You never wanted me to lack, you made sure I had enough to take me through a journey or even just for the night. I remembered when we would travel and you would never finish your food before you were sure I was full. When we went for long journeys, you would never sleep and leave me awake in a bus, you would make sure I am comfortable before you took your nap.DSC_0918[1]

Oh how I miss the moments we shared together. Talk about just the walk from 1700 to 1569, how much we would talk and laugh and you would repeatedly say ‘Nyasha urikunyepa’ whenever I told you about an experience I had gone through. Our difficulty in reversing and how that day daddy had to draw a diagram for us as a way of explaining to us how to do it right. I miss you.grad

Your love was immeasurable, and I still feel it now. You should see how many people still talk of the good you did at the clinic and in the community. You truly were an angel and I am sure you are one of the hardworking angels in heaven.

I miss how much you had me spoiled, how whenever we had to do some chores you would eventually say, you can rest, I will finish it off. I miss your smile. I miss how you were always excited about my school  events or whatever occasion I had. How much you would always ask if you were on point so that you would never embarrass me in front of my friends. You never embarrassed me, you were always on point. They all remember you.IMG_7548[1]

Now Anotida and Kuziva always have questions that we can never answer. They miss you so much but they know they are loved by their mothers. They are all safe. Marcus is growing big, and trust me, he’s always warm, just as you would have liked.

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It’s  never going to be easy to let go or understand why you were taken from us. It’s especially hard for me going past Mbuya Dorcas hospital each and every day, all I see is the image of your face, lying in your death bed. It will never be easy and we will never understand why.

I will always love you and I hope we will meet some day. May your soul rest in eternal peace. I miss you.

 

 

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25 lessons I have learnt in this journey of life

Anyone who’s close to me knows how much I love my birthday. 3 May is the most important day in my life. It’s never about the gifts , maybe a little bit about the attention but mostly it’s because I am grateful for the gift of life.ms resolute

The 3rd of May 2017 marked my 24th birthday, and today I celebrate my 25th. The 24th year could have been the most challenging for me. Maybe it is because I am now an adult, I am slowly learning the ropes of life, and understanding that life is not one smooth road, there are obstacles.

I have learnt a lot from the ups and downs and I thought I could share my 25 lessons which I hope will also help me through life.

  1. When faced with whatever situation, whether in happy or sad times, pray. God always has an answer.
  2. When you think of calling, texting or visiting someone, do it. You might never get the chance.
  3. Be true to yourself always, never fake who you are just to fit in.
  4. You can never trust anyone completely, people change when they meet new people, especially when they fall in love.
  5. When someone comes to you with their relationship problem, don’t be the one to tell them to leave, just be a shoulder to cry on.
  6. Do not let anyone dictate how your life goes, you only live once, do what you only love.
  7. Be a risk taker, don’t get too comfortable in the same position, explore new avenues.
  8. Be nice to everyone you meet, you never know how much your smile can change someone’s life.
  9. No matter how close you are to someone, if they offer you a job, sign a contract.
  10. Don’t depend on one source of income, have something that complements your salary, even the smallest thing can make a difference.
  11. Try new things. No matter how old you are, learn new things.
  12. When you are going with your plans and someone thinks you should have taken another route, don’t mind them, tell them to take that route instead.
  13. Whenever you feel like crying, cry your heart out, don’t be afraid of being called weak.
  14. Do not compare your life to other people’s lives. You are completely different, we achieve different things at different points in life.
  15. Whatever you have achieved to date, remember you can do better.
  16. Don’t be hurt by friends who leave your life, they were never meant to be your friends.
  17. Whenever there is gossip, be the first to walk away.
  18. Any discussion that doesn’t benefit you is worthless, go read a book.
  19. You can never please the whole world. Do what you can for others and what you can’t, leave.
  20. The most important person in this life is you, take care of yourself.
  21. Don’t be too expectant, expectations lead to disappointments.
  22. Laugh as much as you can.
  23. Surround yourself with people who make you happy.
  24. Celebrate your birthday in any way you want to. Make as much noise as you can about it. It’s your day!

HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF, I HOPE AND PRAY I WILL BECOME SOMEONE’S INSPIRATION IN THIS JOURNEY CALLED LIFE.

Diaspora – Home fiasco : Who owes who?

Everyone gets excited when a relative of theirs leaves the country, in search of greener pastures. We all know why we are happy, it’s not necessarily because they will have a better life out there but mostly it’s because once in a while we will need some goodies from the diaspora and of course money!

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For some reason, the moment one enters a plane and leaves for a foreign country, we feel they owe us something which I have come to believe is not necessarily right. Yes, there are greener pastures out there but how green are the pastures? Have we ever thought that sometimes we earn more than the person in the Diaspora but still, we expect them to fund our living expenses back home yet we are also working.

Relationships have been strained because of expectations, expectations which sometimes we forget that the person we expect to feed us also has a stomach to feed, a family to take to school and accommodation expenses as well. I understand, in the African society, the moment you land a job you owe everyone a ‘drink’ somehow. Unfortunately, you can’t give out a ‘drink’ to Sekuru from babamunini before your mother is fed, charity begins at home.

In as much as we have expectations, I think there should come a point where we understand that entering a plane does not mean one immediately becomes a millionaire. Some of our relatives and friends in the Diaspora are not living the good life we think they are, they may be equally struggling as much as we are (that’s if we are struggling). Just because they upload a picture in a seemingly fancy restaurant, dressed in a beautiful dress or stunning suit also doesn’t mean they are well up. We all know how we sometimes lie or how we choose to post about the good parts about our lives and exclude the rest.

Dear family and friends, when someone sends you something from the Diaspora, brand new or second hand, appreciate the little that they have sacrificed for you. Before we complain about quality, let’s ask ourselves about what we have given in  return. Are we only in the receiving end or is the love being reciprocated. Some of us are good at placing orders upon hearing that they are returning home but we can’t even send a greeting, just to check on them. Let’s be humane, and understand that in as much as someone may be in the other part of the world, we all have responsibilities and when the hand can give it shall give.

Job scam : I learnt the hard way

I never saw myself being a victim of job scams, well, I thought I was too clever. I would think, ‘how wouldn’t you know that this is a scam.’ Well, I proved myself wrong when a few days ago, I became a victim.

job scam

Like any other unemployed person who is in desperate need of a job, every few hours, I check the job sites, and try my luck by applying for as many jobs as possible, even those I know I am not qualified for.

One day, I saw a vacancy for a loan clerk trainee, there weren’t much specifications and I decided to try my luck, I told  myself since I would be a trainee, they would teach me whatever it was that needed to be done, so I applied.

Two weeks later, on this particular Saturday, while on my way to town, a day after our new President’s inauguration and just a few hours after I had been to an all night prayer, I received a text that read, ” ..you are wanted for work check your email and phone urgently..” (sic). My heart leapt with joy! Indeed it was the dawn of a new era and God had heard my prayers. I didn’t have data and I quickly looked for a Netone agent so I could buy my one fusion card. I quickly recharged my phone and checked my mail. It was the Loan Clerk Trainee job! I couldn’t believe it.

The email said management had decided to take me up for the job and it had some information about the company. It was a lot to comprehend. When I was reading the mail…. there was a part that read “Please urgently text your current address to 0737774614 and express your willingness to join us by sending your induction listing fee of 9 dollars. Please call or text 0778667353 talk to Eddie who will list your name as you have to complete an agreement form on email soon after sending your listing payment, after which we will send important employment documents to you by swift delivery services.” Ahh, at that point I began to doubt the authenticity of this job. But then I really needed the job so I waited for my friend and asked for his opinion, he said it was worth risking because it could be true.

I called them back and the Eddy guy instructed me to send $9 via ecocash immediately so that he could send the documents before 1pm so that I would receive them Monday morning and immediately start training. I sent the money, thereafter I received another email which had a form that I had to fill in and I had to choose the country I would like to work from after 3 months among, Dubai, Poland, Cyprus, Ukraine, Kenya, Canada and United Kingdom, lol! The other part of the email instructed me to scan back the application form after a payment of 27 dollars, that’s when I realized I had been duped.

This Eddy guy had told me the 9 dollars was refundable so the following day I called him and asked for my money back then he told me to phone later as he was in church. I phoned later and he told me to call again on a Monday when the ‘bosses’ would be around. Monday came, and I called again and he gave me another number. I then received an email which had 69 other people who had been copied instructed to call for a refund. I wasn’t the only victim.

Thank God for One fusion! I called the number and spoke to a man whom I explained to I was no longer interested and I couldn’t pay the 27 dollars, I didn’t have that kind of money. He then seemed to be sympathetic and he offered to pay 24 dollars for me and begged me to send just 3 dollars so that I could continue with the program, I told him I was no longer interested and he told me he would call again. Ladies and gentlemen, up to now he hasn’t called.

I know most of you will call me dumb, just as I thought about other people who had been scammed, but desperation is what causes this. Maybe it will end in this new era or it could actually get worse where people will believe all of a sudden jobs will be readily available because of the new government. Be warned fellow countrymen, there are people out there busy scheming new ways to get your money. My dad then told me, anyone who wants to employ you will ever ask for money from you, that’s a lesson I have learnt and thought of sharing with you.

A 9 year old is not a prostitute, she’s a victim

I listened in to the program, Issues, Pane Nyaya on Star FM and my heart broke as a 9 year old and 13year old narrated their ordeals as ‘ladies of the night’. These girls are victims of circumstances. The only people who could help just instructed them to follow and find out how they made their money, that is how they became victims.

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It’s sad how some have not been sympathetic with these little girls, and most comments I have heard have been that ‘Kids of today are too forward’ or ‘vanoda zvinhu’ but I personally feel that it’s unfair, I blame those who introduced them to such ways of getting money.

Poverty has led most of these kids to become victims of older men who come and abuse these kids for a mere 50cents and sometimes a dollar. The most they can get per night is $2, after having spent the night with four men.

We have a lot of child headed families where a child as young as 8 years is forced to take care of her siblings, she has to drop out of school and find means to survival where some of them have ended up in the streets selling their bodies for a small amount of money.

A nine year old cannot reason for herself, she doesn’t know the implications of some actions, all she needs is some convincing that out of this you will get money. She hasn’t gone through puberty and because she has been isolated since the death of her parents, there’s not much she knows about STD’s thus she goes on to do what she thinks will sustain her and the family.

In as much as the blame has been put on the little girls, I personally blame the men who gladly come and stop for the small girls when there are older ‘ladies of the night’. Who, in their right mind, approaches a 9 year old and asks boldly, how much is short time? If these girls had no market, if no one stopped for them, I don’t think they would continue being in the streets, but because there is someone entertaining them, they will continue.

I just wish the authorities could do something to help these child headed families. So long the children have nothing to put in their tummies, they will do the worst to get a dollar. So long these children do not go to school, it’s hard for them to discern between the wrong and the right.

As a society, we all have a responsibility to help where we can. Provide for these children where possible, the NGO’s may help but only to some extent. Just a few words of advice can help them shape their lives. I wish the police would do something to stop these men from abusing these little girls. What will become of the generations to come?

 

 

The war against Anne’s petition : Not about panties, it’s about priorities

After massive attacks from fellow Zimbabweans after Anne Nhira being ecstatic over having the minister’s response on barring Zodwa from coming to perform, I think she and the ‘Team Anne’ have got it all wrong. People are not necessarily angry that Zodwa is being barred from performing, we are angry that Anne could surely petition over something so petty when we have more pressing issues.

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A few weeks back, Zodwa was trending on social media for flaunting her legs without a panty.  A lot of people were bashing her on social media, including my fellow Zimbabweans who thought it wasn’t proper for one to be dressed without underwear. I am still not sure though why it was an issue.

Fast forward to this week, there came Anne with a letter signed by Minister Zhuwao that they were considering her plea to stop Zodwa from performing. I think she was trying to be relevant, considering the fact that people had bashed Zodwa a few weeks ago so maybe she thought she would get loads of support from people.

What angered us is that we have a lot of problems in this country, serious problems for that matter for one to seriously consider barring a woman who doesn’t like panties (which is her personal choice) from performing at a Carnival where Brazilian ladies who perform dressed next to nothing also perform. On that note, why is this about Zodwa only and not about the Brazilian and Cuban ladies who perform barely dressed?

For me, this letter shows that Anne doesn’t think the unemployment rate in this country is an issue, she doesn’t care about the shortage of hospital equipment, she maybe thinks the vendors in the streets chose to be there and she doesn’t understand that a number of children aren’t going to school because they cannot even afford  school fees.There is a reason why she is residing in a foreign country and not her own.

My point is , Anne should have petitioned for better things. You will be surprised to know most people don’t even know about that carnival because they can’t even afford it. What if our own artists are barred from other foreign countries because of this? What if Anne is chased out of that country because of something she might do which the South Africans think it is against their ‘culture’.

When we seek relevance, let’s find better ways to do it. Things that you thought would push you up might actually bring you down. Some are defending Anne with the notion of culture, don’t tell me about culture because culture is dynamic, I wonder if Mbuya Nehanda knew anything about panties.

Whether she comes or not, I don’t think her presence here has any effect on our culture or our well being as a society. We have our own Bev, Zoey etc. Let people be. People have different ways of making money, let’s not shun them because we do not believe in what they believe in.

He messes up, it’s a ladies’ war

Of all the violence that happens among us as human beings, domestic violence is the most talked about, the violence that is most advocated against and the violence that we are all afraid to be victims of. It is traumatic, and although women are mostly the victims of it, men are victims too and many campaigns have been done against it but I feel there is one type of violence that we have all ignored, but if investigated into, I bet in terms of statistics, it is just after domestic violence. This violence is between us women.

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In most scenarios, when women fight, it is usually about men, not only fighting for our lovers but even for attention from our brothers and sons. So many strained relationships between mothers and daughters-in-law, as well as sisters-in-law. Many times, the issue is about money, it’s either the mothers and sisters-in-law feel their son is leaving them out since he married, or the husband or boyfriend is cheating in which we come out guns blazing to fight each other.

Just this past week, the most talked about issue was that of the incident between the first lady Grace Mugabe and Gabriella Engels whom she attacked after finding her in her sons’ room in Sandton. There have been many points raised by the social media jury on the issue, the dominant being how could the first lady do that, shaming the country, and for others they were celebrating with the thought that this was her downfall. It’s sad that nothing has been talked about how women attack each other in some circumstances that are mainly caused by men.

Well Robert Jnr and Chatunga are two grown men, who knew what they were doing when they invited the ladies to their room. Yes, she was frustrated as a mother, but attacking the lady was not really the solution. Am pretty sure if it had been a man who had attacked Gabriella the way the first lady did, there would be screams of how women are victims of the males in most situations. Unfortunately, we are not just victims of men, but of women too.

My point is when we fight as women, usually the main cause is men. It’s sad that the women’s organisations have been silent about this issue. The fact however is, if we are to advocate for gender equality, we have to stand up not only when a woman is attacked by a man, but when a woman is also attacked by a fellow woman.

Men will make us hate each other, and when we fight, they are proud that women are fighting for them. I don’t think it’s worth it. As a woman, instead of dating a married man knowingly, why not move to a single guy to avoid conflict. As in-laws, instead of back chatting, why not speak out where there is a problem and resolve issues. No matter how much you do not like your daughter or sister-in-law, so long your brother or son loves him, the ideal thing to do is to accept and appreciate what has been brought in your home.

Some will end up in hospitals with scars that will never fade after fighting with another woman over a man. Some will also end up in prison after attacking girls you find with your son, not all of us are ‘above the law’. Bottom line is, if we are ever to make it as women, if ever we want the men to believe in us, we have to show a united front, and desist from attacking each other. Sometimes we fight against each other and the man will leave us both, what would we have gained?

May we desist from fighting against each other and focus on achieving our goals. Let’s not be our own enemies.