Tag Archive | women

Women, let’s be bold for change

For years now, we have been crying for change, for platforms to express ourselves, for equal opportunities as well as reasonable representation in policy making platforms. Platforms have been provided, opportunities are there and representation has since improved, but are we bold enough for change. I believe change begins with us and it all begins with changing our mindsets.

Photo on 25-9-2014 at 4.52 PM

  1. Getting rid of the Inferiority complex

Everyone is talented in different ways but some people tend to hide their potential, leaving success for the others. What we forget is success is not for anyone else but us. We often complain that not many opportunities have come our way but sometimes it is not about the opportunity that comes your way but it is all about standing up and doing what you can do to the best of your abilities and opportunities will certainly come your way. Never think less of yourself, you are worth more than you can imagine. Women are so gifted and I believe if we stop feeling inferior and come together, we can do wonders and change the world to be better.

2. Changing the dependency mindset

Most ladies my age, who are not yet married and looking forward to marriage tend to have the mentality of looking for someone who will take care of them while they sit and gladly accept hand overs. Yes, a man is ‘supposed’ to take care of his wife but what are you doing to sustain yourself in case he leaves you. Society has taught us to rely on men but it is time we changed that. Let us teach self reliance to the little girls and change the gospel of finding a rich husband but the gospel of working hard and being a rich wife. Be a rich girl before you find a rich man, so that you complement each other. Marriage should be about companionship and not financial benefits.

Reliance is the same reason why most women have stayed in abusive relationships, mainly because they do not have anywhere to go, if they leave that marriage they have nothing to sustain themselves hence they live for the money. I don’t blame them, but I blame society that has, from the very first day, taught us to rely on men. It’s time to change that and try as much as possible to be able to sustain ourselves before we can think of marriage.

3. Making other people’s lives your career

Unemployment is on the rise and this has often seen most people having nothing to do other than spend the whole day on social media, admiring and criticizing the celebrities’ lives and also following other people’s lives. ‘Who is dating who? Who got dumped by who? Who got married? Who got impregnated by who? And so on..’ But how does this edify your life?What benefit is it to the world? What value does it add to your life knowing and rejoicing on someone’s progress or recline in life?

If the answer is nothing, then why not invest that time in doing something that will help in making you  a better person. If you can’t invest in the smallest project, better invest your time in reading and in that will you find motivation or tips on how to be a better person.

Gossip, viral threads and jokes only give you something to laugh about at that moment but it does not make your life any better. Make something out of your life and find things that will bring food to your table.

Use social media to your advantage. Social media is a chance to show yourself to the world, what you can do and how you can help in the world. There’s more to facebook other than selfies and funny skits. Take action.

4. From Pull-her-down to pull-her-up syndrome

Women tend to have a problem of finding it hard to support fellow women in what they do, they are good at telling her, ‘you are bound to fail’. It is difficult to let the men believe in us if we do not believe in our fellow women. The more we support each other, the more we are represented in policy making affairs. It is quite unfortunate that recently, the minister of women’s affairs, Nyasha Chikwinya, who is supposed to be supporting the women, recently appointed a male chairperson for the women’s bank where there were a number of female applicants. So much for empowering the women.

From a tender age, let’s teach the girl child to support the women as much as they support the male counterparts. Opportunities and positions should not be accorded as to one’s gender but as to one’s abilities. As Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie puts it, “Teach her to question or culture’s selective use of biology as ‘reasons’ for social norms.” If the girl wants to be a mechanic, let her be, mechanics is not in the DNA of men, neither is cooking in the DNA of women. As a woman, you should not be bound by societal expectations but by what you want to do. Never mind the other women who won’t support you, well they will admire you when you are up there.

5. Getting married because society feels you are ‘ripe’

So when ladies get to their twenties, and they graduate from university or college, what society expects from them is marriage. They are now old enough to get married, which has often put pressure on them. Ladies end up getting married because of society and not because they have found the right person which I think has contributed to the influx on divorces before five years. Get married because, deep down in your heart you feel you have found the right person and deep inside, you are ready.

It is all about changing our mindsets, shifting our focus not only on being caregivers but being leaders and innovators. Women are blessed with the gift of multi-tasking, there’s nothing we cannot juggle. Let’s stand up and do something for ourselves, something we can be proud to stand up and say, I achieved this as a woman. Get rid of people who do not push you up and discourage you and start associating yourself with those who encourage you to do better and become innovative.

Happy women’s month! May we aim to change the world for the  better.

Note to Olinda……

I would be lying if I said I know how u feel right now, because I don’t.  Probably that’s the reason why I thought you were overreacting when you posted your first video. I even laughed and regretted feeling sorry for you when you posted an apology the next day, putting all the blame on yourself. But I do know you are hurt.

olinda-chideme

I must say I am sorry for that. I have come to realise that there are situations when one is depressed, when you haven’t done anything wrong but the world seems cruel to you. Having tried to be the perfect woman but the person you are doing it for never notices, they instead make you feel worse.  You cry, scream and shout and sometimes feel a bit over the edge, suicide becomes an option.

Probably you told a number of people about your predicament, hoping they would make your burden lighter, but they could have made it worse, telling you ‘we told you so’ or spreading it over to more people to make it worse. Maybe that is why you decided to take it to social media.

I am not married and probably am not the right person to try and comfort you but I just thought I should say what I feel might be helpful.

You are worth more than you feel you are.You are beautiful the way you are and no one should ever tell you other wise. You can never please everyone, so do what you are comfortable with and not what the next person thinks is better for you. When you are disappointed, cry, shout and scream all you want, just let it all out.

Suicide should never be an option, it’s your family that loses their loved one and your death will only leave scars to those who truly love you and fulfillment to those who don’t. I understand what could have made you more emotional is because you lost your mother recently, you wish if she was there you could tell her all your problems. Whenever you think of suicide, think of what your mother would have wanted for you and what she would have loved to see you achieve and work towards that. I am sure she wouldn’t have wanted you crying over a man.

You can never tell someone in love to leave their partner because they have been wronged because tomorrow you might seem to be the enemy. I won’t tell you to leave Stunner but I will tell you to think of who stands to benefit in this marriage or if you divorce, who benefits more. But what matters the most is what your heart wants, follow you heart.

There are many organisations that are willing to listen to you cry, their doors are wide open and at any time you can call or visit. Social media might have been your last option but I feel posting videos of yourself in tears might even worsen your situation, with some nasty people who are there to curse for no apparent reason.

Go away for a holiday if you have to, forget your misery and think things through. I can see you have started retail therapy, great going! There is more to life than cheating lads. Tomorrow will be a better day. Pray as much as you can and ask God for forgiveness.

I am sorry for what you went through, I hope you are recovering.

Have a great life!

A day in the life of a vendor

It’s 4am in the morning, already she’s on her way to Mbare musika to get fresh vegetables for her small market. It’s dark and she’s hoping she gets a lift before some thug attacks her and robs her of her $30 that she’s going to use to buy the produce and her Nokia c3, or worse still rape her. She could have asked her husband to accompany her to the bus stop but he surely won’t wake up after he came home drunk two hours ago. Waking him up might risk herself getting beat up for waking him up or even taking ten dollars from the thirty she has, which might risk her business. She would rather risk her life for the sustenance of her family.

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Tribulations of a Woman

Her first cry marks the beginning of her trials and tribulations, the beginning of being stereotyped, already her life is planned, the society celebrates because not only have they received a daughter, but at the end of the day, they are looking forward to the wealth that will come from her in the form of bride price.

From a tender age, she is taught to be dependent, she is allowed to cry, girls do cry but boys don’t, it’s a girl thing. She is molded into a woman already, burdened with the responsibility of taking care of dolls and plaiting them, she has to ‘nurse’ them and take them to sleep, in preparation of what will become of her in the years to come.

Her hair is plaited and colorful, with bands and all, so that she looks beautiful. She is taught from a tender age that a woman has to look her best; it’s the way you look that attracts the kind of men you want.   vie Continue reading

Women, We Are Our Own Enemies

hatemail1

the hate mail sent to the Australian woman

Women fighting over men, women abusing maids, women demotivating each other, women doing this, women doing that. Oh my, why??? How can we achieve what we want to achieve when we can’t support each other in trivial matters? We can’t even be on each others’ side, how then will we be able to lead if it doesn’t start from the simplest things?

Sometime in December, a lady was stripped off her clothes by some touts at the rank, the video circulated, with some sympathizing with the lady and women groups came into action to see to it that the touts were punished. Unfortunately, some ladies were ululating, happy that their fellow woman was stripped off. I would hear comments like “Vachinyanya kuda kushamisira, ndivo vega vane nyama here?“. Really? What if it was your daughter, or sister who had gone through that, would it have been fair, would you have smiled. Instead of supporting the fellow woman, they added salt to the wound. They felt it was fair that she had been stripped off, yet her dress was fairly decent. A person is entitled to wear whatever she wants, as Tendai Garwe puts it, ‘My body, my politics!’ Continue reading

Social status- Why women suffer domestic violence

‘I have no choice,’ is all they say, ‘I have nowhere to go, besides, that’s what all marriages are like, I just have to hold on, things will get better.’ Really? Are people really left with no choice or they just decide not to have a choice at all? It’s what they think, when in actual fact they do have many other choices. I am still young, I am just a young lady who’s yet to discover life but it really breaks my heart seeing a number of women being abused, physically and emotionally. It’s what I see everyday, it’s what i read and listen to everyday that makes me wonder why women have to keep trying when they see there’s so much to lose and nothing to gain. Well, maybe you gain status, the cars, property, but what gain is it when you get all but you’ve got no joy, you are just living for the sake of it. I really wonder, is there a reward after death, that is given to those who have been abused when they were on earth? Continue reading